Thursday, September 14, 2006

Liam Neeson's drunk, but it's ok.

Lots of stars stay at the Four Seasons Hotel during the Toronto International Film Festival. If you get to the Four Seasons Lounge early, sit in the back. As the night passes on, reserved signs will pop up as people leave the tables around you. Hold fast and act like you’ve been there before. Do not leave, even when security gives you the stinkeye. Order an unusual drink, as in not your usual. Try a vodka tonic, a French Martini, or a Chivas Regal scotch. When the waitress corrects you because you say Shee-vas instead of Chee-vas, just smile like you made a joke.

VIP's will roll in one by one. William H. Macy will sit down at the table next to you with four women. One of them must be his wife, but no. He never looks around the room. He focuses on the people he's with. Liam Neeson will also be there, looking completely used up and more skinny than Qui-Gon Jinn. He will drink a lot. And saunter over to a table to entertain a pair of young beauties. Very smooth.

When you decide to finally break the seal make sure you get the security guard’s attention as you leave the VIP area, but nonchalantly. Say, “Excuse me” or brush by his shoulder. This lets him know you’re cool to get back in. Not because you belong, but because you were there first. Do the same at the lounge entrance as you’ll have to journey into the hotel to find a restroom. Lounge access is exclusive now and by squatting earlier you have earned your readmission. At the end of your stay be sure to piss again before you catch a cab back to the hotel. No need to feel uncomfortable pressure on the ride home. When you drift outside to meet your friends, you'll find them smoking a square with David Chase Jr, son of the creator, producer and writer of The Sopranos.

David: "There're a lot of celebrities here. Did you see Liam Neeson?"

Andy: "Yeah. He walked over to a table of girls by us and was putting on the moves."

David: "Yeah. He's drunk, but he's Irish. If you guys are ever in Jersey, stop by. Say you're friends from Toronto."

Andy: "Is that really going to work?”

Andrea: “Yeah. Can we get a middle initial, or something?"

"David R. Chase. It was nice meeting you."

1 Comments:

Blogger Pensive Girl said...

okay. first of all. awesome. story. period.

second of all, i am so glad that i am not the only one who has to pee several times during a night of enjoying beverages.

we really should get those uniforms.

12:21 PM  

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